


love foolish (don't let me go)

by jaywons



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, im a sucker for best friends to lovers, junkyu is kinda dumb but not really, side sukhoon, side yesahi, thank u yedam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27681575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaywons/pseuds/jaywons
Summary: junkyu is fine with how things are between him and mashiho, he swears he is - mashiho is his best friend, and he wouldn’t change that for the world. until yedam planted the seed.alternatively, yedam makes junkyu realize he's in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Kim Junkyu/Takata Mashiho
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	love foolish (don't let me go)

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! this is my first contribution to mashikyu's tag, and treasure's tag in general, so please be kind!!! comments and kudos would be much appreciated and i hope u enjoy!!! <3

have you ever met someone who feels so familiar, like they're someone you've known your entire life? someone you feel like you've gotten to learn and grow with? someone you feel like you could tell anything even though you've just met? someone who, eventually, you get to know and befriend?

to junkyu, mashiho is that someone. to junkyu, mashiho is a safe place, a comforting familiarity, a gentle presence. to junkyu, mashiho is everything.

to junkyu, mashiho feels like the warmth of a cup of hot cocoa in his hands while he sits in front of a fireplace as it snows outside. he feels like the comfort of junkyu's favorite blanket that he's had since he was a child. he feels like the calm of watching the stars with someone you love. but most importantly, he feels like home.

junkyu and mashiho have only known each other for about three years, but anyone who saw the pair together would think it had been much longer. the two of them had met during the first week of their freshman year of high school when they became each other’s biology partners, and junkyu could remember that day like it was yesterday.

_junkyu could feel the heavy weight of dread settling in the pit of his stomach as he realized there still wasn't a single person he knew in the classroom, and he tried to make himself as small as he possibly could when he slid into the seat nearest the door. he couldn't help but jump at a sudden soft tapping on his shoulder, and he looked up to see a boy with dark curly hair and a shy smile standing behind the chair beside him._

_"do you mind if i sit with you? i don't know anyone in this class, and it doesn't really seem like you do either…" the boy scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "it's totally cool if you say no though."_

_junkyu managed a smile as he shook his head in response. "i don't mind at all." he said, then cleared his throat. "i'm junkyu, by the way."_

_"mashiho. that's my name, i mean." the boy - mashiho - grinned widely as he took the seat next to junkyu. "i'm new around here, i moved here from japan over the summer. it's my first day."_

_"for real?" junkyu asked, surprised. "your first day, huh? are you finding your way around alright?"_

_mashiho seems to think hard about junkyu's question, his face scrunching up. "that really depends. i got lost this morning and missed over half of my history class."_

_junkyu giggled to himself. "i can walk you to the rest of your classes if you want, my teachers will understand if i'm a little late."_

_"really? i don't want to be a bother…" mashiho rubbed his palms on the knees of his jeans._

_"no worries!" junkyu reassured him. "i got lost a lot on the first day but i learned my way around pretty easily. i'd be glad to help you out."_

_"thanks, junkyu." mashiho smiled wide. "i really do appreciate that alot."_

the two of them clicked immediately, and got quite close within the following few weeks. junkyu remembered how overjoyed mashiho's mother was when he came over for the first time, glad her son had been able to make a good friend. throughout that year, the two of them became almost inseparable and came to consider each other their best friends.

weekends were spent over at each other’s houses, which quickly became second (third) homes to the both of them. junkyu was convinced mashiho's parents wanted to adopt him and keep him all for themselves. and quite frankly, he wouldn't really mind since it would allow him to spend more time with mashiho.

it didn't take long for junkyu to begin to forget what things were like before knowing mashiho. the younger boy had become such a significant part of junkyu's life so quickly, and he was unsure what to make of that. junkyu had never let anyone get close to him like this - or at all really. he was always happy and loud and outgoing, he knew plenty of people and had plenty of friends - but for some reason, he never let them get close enough to really know him. until mashiho. junkyu didn't know what it was that made mashiho different from everyone else, but he did know that the younger boy was special - to him, at least. 

in the few years mashiho and junkyu had known each other, they had experienced and learned alot together. like junior prom - when the night was over and the both of them had gotten their dates home, they ended up laying on junkyu's bedroom floor, still in their tuxes. 

_"i am never doing that ever again." mashiho groaned, dragging a hand down his face. "bringing a date was a total mistake- junkyu, she wouldn't even dance with me!"_

_junkyu couldn't help but laugh. "i never even got the chance to dance because she either made me take photos with her or get her drinks all night."_

_"hey kyu, let's make a deal." mashiho said, sitting up abruptly. "how about next year, you and i go together? no frustrating dates to ruin our fun, just you and me having the night of our lives."_

junkyu could still feel the giddiness he had felt that night when mashiho had made the proposal, and the strange feeling that had swelled in his stomach when he agreed.

and now it was the morning of senior prom, the morning of what was supposed to be one of the most memorable moments of their entire high school careers - second only to graduation. despite the grin that stretched across junkyu's lips, he was nervous. why, he had no idea. 

he had made plans to get brunch with bang yedam before heading over to mashiho's, so he rolled out of bed to get ready.

yedam was a sophomore who went to school with junkyu, and he was junkyu's closest friend aside from mashiho. their parents had been close friends since they were in high school, so naturally the two of them were raised together. yedam knew junkyu the best, in a different way than mashiho did - even though they've known each other their entire lives, junkyu still kept yedam at a distance. junkyu was sure yedam had caught on to that by now, but he never seemed to mind, and he never asked questions. it was like there was a mutual understanding between them, an unspoken agreement of sorts.

junkyu dressed quickly and checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror, fixing his hair at least half a dozen times before finally deeming himself presentable. he patted his pockets to make sure he had his keys, phone, and wallet, then headed out to pick yedam up for brunch.

"you're absolutely ridiculous." junkyu shook his head. "kim doyoung asked you out and you said _no_? actually what is wrong with you?"

yedam shrugged his shoulders as he tore a strip of bacon. "he's just not…" junkyu raised his eyebrows as yedam's voice trailed off. the younger's cheeks turned pink and he ducked his head to avoid junkyu's eyes.

"he's just not _what_?" junkyu asked curiously. 

yedam sighed, picking at his bacon. "you have to swear you won't tell anyone. like, for real."

"i swear i won't say a word!" junkyu said, his face and voice completely serious. "you know you can trust me. i've covered for you a million times and i've always kept your secrets."

"yeah, i know. i know." yedam dropped the bacon back on his plate and wiped his hands on his jeans. "do you happen to know hamada asahi?" he asked slowly.

"the junior?" junkyu raised an eyebrow. "yeah i know him, he's friends with mashi. why?"

"well…" yedam's cheeks dusted pink again, and it wasn't difficult for junkyu to catch on.

"oh." he said, understanding what yedam was trying to say. "ohhhhhhh. okay."

"yeah…" yedam nodded. "he doesn't know though so. no one knows, actually. except you now." 

junkyu nodded, sipping his coffee. "i can understand why, he's really pretty. and he's also really funny when he's feeling up to interaction. his art and music is pretty cool too."

yedam gave a tiny smile, then cleared his throat. "what about you, hyung?" he asked.

"what about me?" junkyu furrowed his brows. 

"you're a senior about to graduate next month, and you haven't dated anyone ever." yedam leaned forward, curiosity taking over him. "how come?"

junkyu thought for a moment. it was true that he had never dated anyone, but he also hadn't ever had the desire _to_ date anyone. he just shrugged his shoulders in response, absentmindedly stirring his coffee that had already started to go cold. "i never really thought about dating anyone, i guess. i never found anyone who was worth my time."

yedam raised his eyebrows in quickly disguised surprise. "really? i always thought…" he trailed off. 

"thought what?" junkyu pressed.

"i just kinda always thought you liked mashiho-hyung." yedam glanced up at junkyu as if to gage his reaction. 

all junkyu could do was blink twice, caught completely off guard by yedam's statement. the idea of him liking mashiho was so beyond absurd to him because who in their right mind falls for their best friend? certainly not kim junkyu.

"you thought… i liked… mashiho?" junkyu repeated, cringing at how the words sounded and how heavy they felt on his tongue. "why?"

"well it's just that you and i have known each other our whole lives and it's like i barely know you, but you let mashiho in so easily. you do anything he asks of you without a second's hesitation, and you never do that for anyone else. you don't look at him the way you look at anyone else either." yedam explained, watching junkyu's face as he spoke.

"how do i look at him, exactly?" junkyu asks slowly, mentally bracing himself for yedam's reply.

"you look at him like he's the only person in the room, like every time you see him it's the first time all over again. you look at him like he hung the stars in the sky, like he created everything good in the world with his own two hands."

junkyu sucked in a sharp breath and held it for five, six, seven seconds before speaking. "he's my best friend, that's all normal. i don't like him like that. it's totally platonic. we're just bros. pals. best buds. homies."

yedam looked like he wanted to laugh in junkyu's face. "hate to break it to you, hyung, but no one looks at their _homie_ like that platonically." 

"yeah well i do." junkyu huffed. "literally none of that means i like him, yedam."

"then how do you feel about him?" yedam asked, propping his chin up on his hand. 

"well, when he's around, i'm happy. happier, at least. no matter how shitty my day is, i always feel better when i'm with him. he's like… my own personal battery." junkyu said, a smile creeping across his lips. "when he's not around it's just… dull? i don't even know how it happened, he just inserted himself into my life and i just… let him. and i've never regretted it."

a smirk plays across yedam's lips as he eyes junkyu. "i think you need to reevaluate what you think you know about your feelings for mashiho-hyung." he said, sipping at his coffee. "i know how much you hate it when i'm right, but i really think you should trust me on this."

“bang yedam.” junkyu fixes yedam with the most serious look he can muster. “i do not like mashiho. he’s my best friend, and that’s all there is to it.”

“okay, hyung.” yedam says, though junkyu knows full well he’s not actually agreeing because he's fighting back a smile. “whatever you say.”

junkyu might have rolled his eyes at yedam then, but after he drops the younger off at home, he spends the majority of the drive to mashiho’s thinking about the conversation they’d had, and suddenly he’s overanalyzing every aspect of his friendship with mashiho because what if yedam is actually right? if there’s one thing to know about kim junkyu, it’s that he’s an overthinker. he will think something to death until he finally comes to a conclusion (if he doesn't go insane first). there’s no one more important to junkyu than mashiho, except maybe his family but that’s debatable, and he would never ever risk losing him. that being said, even if junkyu did have a crush on mashiho, he would never say it out loud, much less confess to him.

simply put, mashiho is everything to him. no one makes junkyu laugh or smile as much as mashiho does, even on his shittiest days. no one takes care of junkyu or comforts him like mashiho does. mashiho holds junkyu while he cries, he comes over to cook for junkyu at the most random times because the older can’t cook for shit, he shows up with grocery bags of sweets and snacks and declares a movie night just because junkyu is a little bummed about a bad grade, he texts junkyu long paragraphs the moment the clock hits midnight on his birthday, he buys junkyu flowers and chocolates on valentines day, he makes a fool of himself in public just to make junkyu smile. junkyu would do anything for mashiho and he wouldn’t trade the younger boy for the world.

yedam’s question from earlier nags at junkyu, echoing in the back of his mind. _“then how do you feel about him?”_ junkyu doesn't really have to think all that hard. everyone knows junkyu would choose mashiho over anyone else without a moment's hesitation, he's always been junkyu's top priority. junkyu cares more about mashiho than himself, and mashiho knows that - he's actually scolded junkyu for it, not that it's ever changed anything. several times junkyu has tried to picture his life without his best friend, and he never can. it's just pitch black and empty every time. junkyu can't imagine an alternate universe in which he and mashiho had never become friends, and honestly he doesn't want to because the idea of a life without the younger boy terrifies him. mashiho completes junkyu - without mashiho, there is no junkyu.

it hits him while he's stopped at a red light and it feels like he's been punched in the gut and for a moment, he can't breathe.

 _oh._ yedam was right. the light turns green but junkyu doesn't move until he's been honked at three times.

_yedam was right._

_he likes mashiho._

he makes a quick stop at a gas station, texts mashiho that he would be a little late, and then immediately dials yedam's number. junkyu impatiently drums his fingers against the steering wheel as he waits for yedam to pick up - and he does after the fourth ring.

"junkyu?" yedam answers. "are you-"

"you were right." junkyu blurts out, cutting yedam off. "about mashiho. about me li- you were right."

junkyu can practically hear yedam's self-satisfied grin on the other end of the line. "i knew i was, you were just too dense to see it." junkyu rolls his eyes. "so what made you realize?"

"i was thinking about when you asked how i felt about him, and it just _hit me_. i was trying to imagine what my life would be like without him and i just couldn't and god i really didn't want to." junkyu ran a hand through his hair. "dude, what the fuck do i do? there's no fucking way i can ever tell him." 

"well why not?" yedam asked.

"why not? yedam, i don't even know if he likes boys! i don't even think he knows i do! and he's my best friend, i can't risk losing him."

junkyu can hear yedam snort. "you've been best friends with the guy for three years and you don't know if he's straight or not?" junkyu is itching to punch yedam in the face. "even if he doesn't like boys, he's not homophobic. he's really good friends with asahi-hyung, who's gay, and yoshinori-hyung, who's pan, and they wouldn't go anywhere near him if he was a homophobe."

"okay but there's still the fact that i could make everything awkward between us and literally ruin our friendship and our entire relationship by confessing to him if he doesn't feel the same way." junkyu gives a heavy sigh and rests his forehead against the steering wheel. "i don't know what i'm supposed to do."

"listen, hyung. you have two options." yedam says. "you either keep it to yourself until your feelings maybe go away- or you take the chance and tell him how you feel, otherwise you might never know if he feels the same way about you. kyu, he's your best friend, and if you're as important to him as we all know you are, he won't let anything be ruined."

in the back of his mind, junkyu knows yedam is right - again - but the concept of confessing scared the shit out of him. he had never confessed to anyone in his life, and he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do or say. but this was mashiho, and everything came easily with mashiho, so why wouldn't this?

junkyu took a deep breath. "okay. i'm gonna tell him." he sits up straight. "i'm gonna tell him." he says again, this time with a steady voice and a little bit of confidence.

"it's gonna be fine, okay hyung? let me know how it goes."

yedam hangs up after that, and junkyu's shoulders sag, like yedam had taken all his confidence with him when he ended the call.

junkyu drags his hands down his face and stares out the window for a while, playing with his lip. "okay." he mumbled to himself, turning the key in the ignition. "i can do this. it's gonna be fine."

the rest of the drive to mashiho’s was painstakingly long as junkyu mentally planned and replanned how the hell he was going to confess, and he felt like time stopped the moment he parked in the driveway of mashiho's parents' house.

all junkyu could think as he let himself in and made his way up the stairs to mashiho’s room was that he was absolutely insane for even considering spilling his guts to his best friend.

"yo." junkyu poked his head into mashiho's doorway, and the younger looked up from his phone, grinning widely when he saw junkyu.

"about damn time." mashiho rolled his eyes playfully. "what took so long?" 

junkyu blinked, racking his brain for something he could tell mashiho that didn't involve his phone call with yedam. "i had brunch with yedam and he left something in my car and i had to turn around and drop it off." he lied, slightly surprised and a little bit disappointed with how smoothly it rolled off his tongue. he didn't like lying to mashiho.

mashiho nodded, completely buying junkyu's story. "we still have about six and a half hours until we really need to start getting ready, so what do you wanna do?"

 _six and a half hours_ … junkyu felt his limbs go numb. how the hell was he going to survive this? "we can do whatever you want, i don't mind." he responded, flopping backwards onto mashiho's bed and staring up at the ceiling.

"you okay?" junkyu could feel mashiho's eyes on him, and it sent a chill through his body. 

"yeah, i'm alright." he sighed. "it's just… it's prom day. the next big event is graduation. well technically there's still the talent show, but _graduation_. and then we're off to _college_." junkyu closed his eyes.

"how about we just don't think about that until we really have to." mashiho suggested. "let's just live for right now, let's make today and tonight count."

junkyu opened his eyes and looked up at mashiho, who was sporting a wide grin. "yeah. yeah, okay."

"great, now get up." mashiho bounced off the bed and grabbed junkyu's hands, tugging him to his feet. "there's a new movie out and we're gonna go see it." 

one thing junkyu loved (and mashiho absolutely hated) was the way he almost towered over the younger boy. junkyu had a good three inches on mashiho, and he never failed to point it out whenever he had the opportunity to.

it was like mashiho knew what junkyu was thinking, because he shot the older a glare. "make a joke and you won't have to worry about graduation or college, and i will be seeing this movie and going to prom by myself."

"i didn't even say anything!" junkyu laughed.

"you didn't have to." mashiho rolled his eyes. "i know you well enough by now that i can practically read your mind ninety seven percent of the time."

junkyu grins at mashiho, but his mind starts to race a million miles an hour at the possibility of mashiho being able to read him well enough to already know how he feels. that possibility both terrifies him and comforts him, because if mashiho _did_ know, he hasn't left yet and that gives junkyu a little hope.

mashiho is an avid enjoyer of incredibly shitty horror films, so of course that's what they had ended up seeing. junkyu didn't complain, though despite the fact that he didn't scare easily, he wasn't really a fan of horror movies - but he is a very big fan of mashiho being happy, so he goes along with whatever the younger wants. 

when the movie ends, the two take a trip to their favorite froyo place, the one they discovered halfway through their junior year when junkyu got his driver's license and went driving around the city with mashiho for the first time. they'd been going every weekend since then, and not once had they canceled. 

there was a table in the corner of the shop, just big enough for two people, and that had been junkyu and mashiho's regular spot every time they stopped by. the table stood by the shop's front window, and the pair had always used that to their advantage. sometimes they played games of ispy, or laughed at the couples that passed by. 

it seemed that today, mashiho was in the mood for the latter, and junkyu felt like he was going to lose his mind. he almost blurts it out right then and there. he almost lets the words roll off his tongue, and he thinks he might have if mashiho hasn't accidentally dropped his yogurt on the floor. never in his life had junkyu been more thankful for mashiho's clumsiness.

the remaining two hours were a nightmare for junkyu - the streets were packed, forcing him and mashiho to walk close together, nearly pressed up against each other. mashiho had started to get a little anxious, his solution being grabbing junkyu's hand and intertwining their fingers so they wouldn't get separated. junkyu wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole. 

junkyu was grateful for the (limited) space between them during the ride back to mashiho's to get ready - he thought he might have gone insane without it. everything felt different, now that he knew how he felt about mashiho. junkyu's whole body felt like it was going to burst into flame every time mashiho touched him, and it took everything in him not to run away and hide.

mashiho, though, was completely normal, as if he didn't notice junkyu's slightly strange behavior. well, junkyu was usually a bit strange anyway, so his behavior now could easily be dismissed as normal for him. 

when they parked in mashiho's driveway, junkyu had to resist the urge to throw himself out of the car and run inside to get away from mashiho for just a moment. 

the moment junkyu's face hit the air as he got out of the car, he felt like he had just taken that big gasp of air after surfacing from trying to see how long he could hold his breath underwater. every moment he had spent with mashiho since yedam made him realize how he felt had been almost suffocating, and junkyu felt like his chest might just explode. every few moments he had contemplated just spitting it out, desperate to rid himself of the weight on his shoulders, but he couldn't. not yet. 

mashiho turned on music while they were getting ready, and junkyu was glad for the distraction. he hummed along and sang under his breath as he did his makeup, stopping only when he realized mashiho was staring at him. "what? did i mess something up?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he checked his reflection for any smudges.

"no, you didn't mess up, i was just- i was just listening to you." mashiho said, and junkyu turned away from the mirror to face his best friend. "what? i've always told you that you have a nice voice."

junkyu blushed, and for once he was glad for the thin layer of foundation that hid his reddening cheeks. "whatever weirdo." he rolled his eyes and went back to doing his makeup, slightly surprised as his ability to feign nonchalance. this whole situation was slowly turning junkyu into a decent liar, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

the next hour and a half went by quickly, the slowest part being mashiho's parents taking their pictures before they left - junkyu's cheeks were sore from smiling for so long.

"god, just wait for graduation." junkyu groaned as he ducked into the driver's seat of his car. "my parents will be there too and photo ops will take _twice_ as long."

mashiho laughed out loud. "come on, it wasn't really _that_ bad!" junkyu gave mashiho a look - one that the younger could easily interpret. "okay fine, maybe it was. but still, it could be worse!"

"yeah, like graduation." junkyu grumbled, and mashiho smacked his arm.

the rest of their friends are late, which really doesn't surprise junkyu at all with the exception of jihoon, who was almost always early.

the pair debated waiting outside, but decided against it because mashiho wouldn't stop complaining about how they wouldn't be able to snag a table if they stayed out there waiting for everyone else to arrive. so they went inside and waited at a table instead. it takes about twenty minutes for the rest of their group - minus one - to show up together. 

"park jihoon!" junkyu huffed, standing up from his seat beside mashiho. "what took you so long?" 

"dumbass over here didn't know how to tie a tie." jihoon rolled his eyes at the black haired boy on his arm - choi hyunsuk, his boyfriend.

"what the fuck?" hyunsuk exclaimed. "you didn't know how to either, why am i the only one being called a dumbass?"

"because you're you." jihoon grinned and kissed hyunsuk on the cheek, and junkyu made a gagging noise at the couple.

mashiho, on the other hand, was chatting away with yoshinori and jaehyuk. "so where's asahi?" junkyu heard him ask.

"i'm not sure actually, he just said there was someone he had to pick up and he would meet us here later." jaehyuk shrugged.

jaehyuk and asahi had dated for a while last year, for around five months before they agreed that maybe they were better off as friends. junkyu couldn't help but wonder if he and mashiho would end up that way too if they were to date. at least jaehyuk and asahi are still best friends?

_"junkyu!"_

the brunette blinked three times, staring at mashiho for a moment before realizing he had gotten lost in his own head for a while. "what?"

"asahi is here." mashiho grinned.

and asahi was there, linking arms with someone very familiar to junkyu. _"yedam?"_ he gasped, his eyes going wide. "dude what the hell, why didn't you tell me?"

yedam's face broke into the same shit-eating grin he had worn earlier that day. "didn't want to spoil the fun!" he teased.

"i'm going to fucking kill you." junkyu threatened. "just wait and see, i know where you live so i suggest you sleep with one eye open."

"please," yedam rolled his eyes. "as if you would ever even dream of hurting me."

junkyu simply stuck his tongue out in response, then turned to mashiho, holding out a hand. "come on, dance with me."

mashiho grinned and took junkyu's hand, allowing himself to be led out onto the dance floor. 

this was the whole reason mashiho had proposed they go with each other in the first place - they hadn't gotten to dance with their dates at junior prom. junkyu didn't get to dance at all, actually. and he discovered that he would much rather be there dancing with mashiho than with anyone else. he would always rather be with mashiho. he would always choose mashiho.

the two of them dance together like they're the only ones on the floor, laughing and yelling to each other over the blasting music.

and then a slow song started, and junkyu's heart dropped into his stomach. he had told himself earlier that that's when he would confess - while they danced together to a slow song, while everything was calm and peaceful. just in case it was his last chance to hold mashiho.

but just as junkyu is about to open his mouth to speak, mashiho beats him to it. "junkyu, there's something i have to tell you." he says softly. 

junkyu's heart starts to pound in his chest because _holy shit what if mashiho is about to confess to him first?_ "what's up?" he's amazed that he managed to keep his voice steady.

"you have to promise me that you won't hate me, okay? please?" mashiho's voice is small, and junkyu can't help but worry.

"i promise, i could never hate you." junkyu offers a reassuring smile - more to himself than to mashiho, but no one else needed to know that.

mashiho takes a deep breath. "i'm going back to japan for university, and i leave a week after graduation."

it feels like the world stops and time freezes for just a moment before everything comes crashing down around the two of them.

junkyu's hand slips from mashiho's and he just stands there, staring blankly at the younger boy. "what?" he hoped he had just imagined it, he hoped that it was just his anxious mind playing tricks on him. mashiho wouldn't ever leave him. right?

mashiho bit his lip. "we should probably talk somewhere else. come on."

junkyu's whole body felt cold as he followed mashiho outside, and he barely registered that he was even moving. he was in a daze, in complete disbelief that this was happening. 

the first thing he asks when they get outside is "how long have you known?" he doesn't even mean to ask, it just comes out - and it's harsh. 

"two months, give or take." mashiho doesn't look at junkyu. instead he sits on the sidewalk and stares up at the stars. "believe me, i wanted to tell you the day i got the letter but i just- how the hell was i supposed to tell you? how do you tell the most important person in your life that you're leaving to another country for the next four years and you don't know if you'll ever come back because you'll be going back _home_." 

junkyu flinched at the last word. _home_. "you said i was your home." he mumbled. "or was that a lie?" 

mashiho still didn't look at junkyu, and he was glad for that because tears had started to run down his cheeks. "kyu, i-"

"no." junkyu cut him off, shaking his head. "you chose tonight of all nights to tell me, when i spent my entire day waiting for tonight so that i could tell you something huge, something that i'm fucking terrified to say out loud, especially to you and maybe i'm being selfish, but i don't fucking care. this was supposed to be our night, and it was supposed to be special and perfect and you just-" junkyu started to choke up and he closed his eyes, taking deep breaths to try and steady himself.

that's when mashiho finally does look up at junkyu. "what were you going to tell me?" he asks slowly, almost cautious.

junkyu lets out a wet laugh, running a hand through his hair. "i lied about why i was late." he tilts his head back and looks up to the sky. he can't face mashiho while he says what he needs to say. "yedam didn't leave anything in my car, i never went back to his house. i sat in the parking lot of a gas station and i called him because he made me realize something when we met up this morning." 

"and that is…?" junkyu swears he hears mashiho's voice shake.

"he made me realize that- that i'm in love with you and that i've _been_ in love with you and that there's nothing i wouldn't do for you and that i would always _always_ choose you over anyone or anything else." and finally, junkyu turns to face mashiho, who's staring at him with wide eyes. "yeah, maybe it's selfish of me to say but i think it's best that you do leave for japan, because clearly you wouldn't do the same for me." 

junkyu doesn't even give mashiho the chance to respond; he turns around and walks away. he goes back inside to grab his phone from the table and tell yedam he's leaving - and he does.

the moment junkyu gets home, he runs up the stairs to his room and practically flings himself into his bed, but it's pointless because he can't manage to fall asleep. he stares up at the ceiling and his eyes sting with tears that just won't fall. he's got dozens of texts and missed calls and voicemails from his friends, but he doesn't bother to check them. part of him wonders if any of them are from mashiho. he doubts it.

his phone vibrates on his nightstand for what feels like the billionth time, and junkyu reluctantly checks the caller id. yedam. he answers.

"junkyu?" yedam's voice is filled with worry and concern. "are you okay?"

"depends on your definition of okay." junkyu says, putting yedam on speaker and rolling over onto his back to continue staring at the ceiling. "physically, i'm fine. mentally and emotionally… not so much."

"what happened?" yedam asked. "mashiho-hyung was pretty upset when he came inside and found out you left…"

junkyu scoffed. "yeah, sure he was." he said bitterly.

"did- did you tell him? is that what happened? did he not take it well?"

"yes, i told him, but… i don't really know how he took it because we were fighting and i kind of left right after." junkyu tells yedam about mashiho's sudden revelation on the dance floor, and everything that happened outside afterwards.

"so he's just… leaving?" the younger's voice was laced with disbelief. "just like that?"

"yeah." junkyu sighs. "just like that."

there's silence on both ends of the line for a while before yedam speaks up. "well, hyung, i can tell you something you were right about. you're definitely being selfish, but it's not unjustified. he's your best friend and he kept something that big from you for two months and then decided to drop the bomb in the middle of a fucking slow dance on prom night, like who does that?"

junkyu can't help but laugh a little. "mashiho does that, apparently."

yedam chuckles on the other end. "but at the same time, hyung, you have to look at the situation from his perspective too. would you have been able to easily tell him you were leaving the country? would you have easily been able to give up such an essential part of your future for him?"

"yes, i could." junkyu answers immediately. there's silence on yedam's end. "okay, fine. no, i wouldn't have been able to do that. but i just- what am i supposed to do without him?" he can feel his eyes starting to burn with tears again and he tries his best to blink them back.

"you know he wouldn't be completely abandoning you, hyung. you know he wouldn’t ever do that to you." yedam said softly. "he might be leaving korea, but it's not like you can't still text and call and facetime, or make plans to meet up whenever you can. it's not the end of all things if he leaves, and you know that. you're just looking for a reason to avoid him because you showed him a part of yourself that scares you."

"i hate you, you know that right?" junkyu dragged a hand down his face. "it pisses me off how you're always right and how you seem to know me better than i do sometimes."

"i've known you my entire life, hyung. sixteen years is a lot of time to learn about a person, and honestly you aren't that difficult to learn."

that takes junkyu by surprise, and it makes him wonder if he was more of an open book than he thought he was. "i don't know what to do, yedam." junkyu whispers, a tear finally slips down his cheek. "i can't lose him, i just-" his voice cracks.

"hyung, listen to me." yedam speaks softly, and junkyu think the younger knew that's what he needed. "you have to give him a chance. i know this whole thing hurts and it sucks, but you can't use it as an excuse to run away from your feelings because you're scared of what he thinks. he's your best friend and he cares more about you than anything else in the world."

junkyu sniffles, wiping his tears away with the heel of this hand. "at least he gets to run away to japan if he hates me now and i won't have to live with the crushing misery of seeing him every day." he jokes, trying to make himself feel a little less horrible about the mess he's found himself in. except, he's not sure it's really a joke.

"i know i'm no mashiho, but you've got me no matter how this turns out, okay?"

they stay on the phone for a long time after that, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, and it's nearly one in the morning by the time junkyu finally hangs up. he sits on his bed with his back to the wall for a few moments, staring at his dresser before finally getting up and walking over to it, opening up the bottom drawer.

during their sophomore year, mashiho had gotten the idea for each of them to leave a drawer in their dressers for when they stayed over at each other’s houses. sometimes, when junkyu felt really bad, he would wear one of mashiho's hoodies or t-shirts from his drawer in junkyu's dresser, and he would fall asleep in it and feel just fine when he woke up.

and because this is the worst junkyu has felt in a long time, he stripped himself of his own clothes and replaced them with one of mashiho's hoodies and a pair of his sweats, then crawled back into bed. mashiho was significantly smaller than junkyu so the sweats were short on him, but the younger always bought his hoodies a few sizes up, so they were even a little big on junkyu. mashiho always looked even smaller than usual when he wore hoodies, the hem falling almost to his knees and the sleeves hanging past his hands, and now that junkyu thinks about it, that might be his favorite sight in the world.

junkyu closes his eyes and burrows as deep into the hoodie as he can, breathing in mashiho's scent. all junkyu can think about is _mashiho mashiho mashiho_ and he's beyond terrified that he's just ruined everything, that he's just lost the one person who ever truly understood him, that he'd just pushed away the most important person in his life. that's when he really starts to cry. it's not just a few tears sliding down his cheeks - it's full on sobs shaking his body, it's crying so hard he can't breathe and his chest aches as he gasps for air, it's blurry vision and burning eyes. junkyu doesn't think he's ever cried like this, doesn't think he's ever felt like this, and it's getting harder and harder to breathe, and that's how he falls asleep - runny nosed, salt on his lips, and face soaked with tears. 

when junkyu wakes up at almost noon, he feels like he's been hit by a truck. his whole body hurts and his eyes are crusty and he can barely see. actually getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom is probably one of the most difficult things he's ever done in his life. the whole twenty minutes he stands in the shower is spent worrying that he might collapse. 

he's towel drying his hair as he comes out of his bathroom, and his eyes land on his phone, screen-down on his bed. for a moment he considers just throwing it at the wall, but he decides against it and checks his message. he's got nearly four dozen of them between all his friends except for one. the only one who hadn't sent junkyu a single message was mashiho. not a _hey, are you okay?_ or a _hey, i think we need to talk._ nothing at all. junkyu's chest tightens. he replies to his friends and lets them all know he's alright, and sits on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall. 

all he can think is that he fucked up, that he ruined everything, that mashiho hated him, that he was never going to hear from his best friend and it's all his fault, that he doesn't even have a best friend anymore.

graduation was only a mere three weeks away, the last week taken up entirely by exams. after that, there was only a week left until mashiho went back to japan for god knows how long, and junkyu just didn't understand. mashiho had been accepted into some of the best universities in korea, so why did he choose the one that meant leaving junkyu behind?

junkyu wasted most of the day lying in bed, not even bothering to properly dress after his shower. he really couldn't bring himself to care about something as trivial as a shirt while he was on the verge of a breakdown.

"junkyu! someone is here to see you!" junkyu heard his mother call from downstairs.

"tell them i said come on up!" junkyu called back, expecting it to be yedam, or maybe even jihoon. he had a gut feeling it wouldn't be mashiho, considering he hadn't so much as texted junkyu since their fight.

"hey, kyu."

junkyu's pulling a shirt over his head when he hears the all too familiar voice from his doorway. he freezes, heart hammering in his chest, and squeezes his eyes shut as he takes a deep breath. finally, he turns around to face mashiho - who, surprisingly, looks like complete shit. his hair is a disheveled mess, and there are dark circles under his red rimmed and heavy lidded eyes. he looks like he hasn't slept at all, and junkyu's heart sinks to his stomach. 

"hi." is all he manages to say.

"do you mind if i come in?" mashiho asks, and it catches junkyu completely off guard. he hadn't ever asked to come in before. 

junkyu just nods and makes his way over to his bed, where he sits cross legged with this back against the wall. 

mashiho sits on the edge of the bed, right where junkyu had been sitting earlier. "i think we have a lot of things we need to talk about." he says quietly, not meeting junkyu's eyes.

junkyu sucks in a breath. "where do you want to start?" he asks, fully expecting mashiho to bring up junkyu's confession and tell him he doesn't feel the same way.

"with me." mashiho says, moving so he's sitting next to junkyu. "i got a lot of offers and acceptance letters from plenty of universities here, but i chose japan, and i need you to fully understand why i did before this conversation goes any further."

mashiho looks to junkyu with a serious set to his jaw and all junkyu can do is nod, anxiety pooling in his chest.

"i chose japan because i missed it. when you grow up somewhere, it becomes a part of who you are. japan is my home, but not in the same way you were. the way you _are_. you…" mashiho ran a hand through his hair, staring at it when it dropped back into his lap. "you were a part of the reason i chose japan. i needed to get away from you because i didn't- i didn't know how else to-" he started to choke up and made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat.

"you wanted to get away from me." junkyu whispered, tears pricking at his eyes. "you _wanted_ to leave me." he searched his memory desperately trying to find something, _anything_ , that could've made mashiho want to leave him, and he came up with nothing aside from everything that had happened the night before.

"no, you don't understand-" mashiho shook his head aggressively. 

"i think i understand perfectly, actually." junkyu clenched his jaw.

"no, you don't. you don't understand at all. i didn't _want_ to get away from you, kyu. i _needed_ to get away." 

"but _why_?" junkyu exploded. "what did i do to make you hate me so much that you needed to leave the fucking country to get away from me? go ahead and just fucking tell me!"

"it's not because of you!" mashiho had never shouted at junkyu before, and the taller boy shrunk away from him. "it was because of _me_ , because i was _stupid_ and i went and fell in love with you and i needed time away to get over you but you went and-"

junkyu's jaw fell slack, and he felt like everything was moving in slow motion. "what?" 

mashiho wouldn't look at junkyu, and he didn't reply for a while. the air felt heavy around them, thick with tension and unspoken words. 

"i don't know how or why it happened but one day, i looked at you and it felt like i was seeing you in a whole new light, like you were suddenly a different person. i knew you were still you, but something felt different and it took a while for me to realize that it wasn't you who was different. it was me. i chose japan because i was afraid of ruining our friendship and losing you. i thought that things would go so _differently_ and i would be able to come back and be over you and we would be able to just be us without the fear that i would fuck it all up."

the room fell silent after that, mashiho waiting for some kind of response that junkyu didn't have. the older boy didn't know what to say, shocked by everything he'd just heard from his best friend.

"i don't know what to say…" junkyu whispered, wringing his hands in his lap. "i thought you hated me after last night because you didn't call me or text me and i thought i'd ruined everything and that you hated me and i was going to lose you forever and it was going to be all my fault and now you're here and you-" he gasped for air, dropping his head into his hands as his eyes started to burn with unshed tears. 

junkyu was so overwhelmed and none of this felt real to him, he was so afraid that mashiho was pranking him and all their friends would come around the corner pointing and laughing at him with cameras in their hands.

"i'm so sorry kyu, i really am, i just- i didn't know what to say because i hadn't ever considered the possibility that you would ever love me back in that way and you just… left." mashiho sighed, dragging a hand down his face. "i'm not going- to japan, i mean. because even if nothing happens between us, i'd miss you more than i miss japan now if i left you."

red eyed and puffy faced, junkyu looked up at mashiho. "you aren't going? but what about university? you can't just ditch for me-"

"i'm not ditching, kyu." mashiho smiled, and junkyu felt warm all over, like he was lying on his front lawn beneath the sun at high noon. "i have plenty of options here in korea, remember? and i still have time to choose."

junkyu nodded slowly, nervously playing with the drawstrings of his (mashiho's) sweatpants. "so what now?" he asked, his voice small. "what are we?"

"i wanted to leave that up to you." mashiho reached over and pulled junkyu to his chest, burying his face in the older boy's hair. "i'll be whatever you want me to be, whether it's your boyfriend or just your best friend. i'll even be nothing to you, if that's what you want."

"you'd be my boyfriend?" junkyu questioned, smiling a little at the way the word felt on his tongue. 

"i just told you i'm in love with you, and you're surprised that i would be your boyfriend if you wanted me to be?" mashiho laughed, and junkyu elbowed him in the thigh. "yes, i would be your boyfriend."

junkyu hummed in response. "okay… then that's what i want. i want you to be my boyfriend." he looked up at mashiho, smiling shyly.

"okay." mashiho grinned. "i'll be your boyfriend."

junkyu nodded, but he didn't move, still looking up at mashiho.

"what?" the younger boy asked, furrowing his brow. "is something on my f-"

"kiss me." junkyu cut mashiho off. "please."

mashiho just blinked in surprise, staring at junkyu with wide eyes. "huh?"

"i want you to kiss me." junkyu's smile widened. "you don't have to right now but i'm just saying that-" he didn't even get to finish his sentence, his best friend's lips - his _boyfriend's_ lips - fitting perfectly with his own. mashiho tasted like coffee and his lips were soft and they felt like honey as they moved against junkyu's and he felt lightheaded, like he might actually faint. kissing mashiho was dizzying, and it felt like the most _right_ thing junkyu had ever done. he adored the way the younger boy held him so carefully, his hands gentle on junkyu's hips like he might break at any given moment.

it was junkyu who pulled away, glowing brighter than the sun and he felt so _warm_ like maybe he himself was the sun. "woah." he breathed, giggling at mashiho's dazed expression. 

"yeah," mashiho nodded dumbly. "woah." 

junkyu was grinning up at mashiho like he'd never felt sadness in his life, and in that moment, he really felt like he hadn't. "stay over tonight?" he suggested. "i think you owe me cuddles."

mashiho smiled and shook his head in amusement. "i'd be glad to give you cuddles whether i owed them or not." he said, dropping a kiss on junkyu's forehead.

"you'll have to wear some of my clothes though." junkyu said slowly. "i slept in yours last night and well…" he gestured to himself - he was wearing another outfit from mashiho's drawer.

"i'll be alright with that." mashiho rested his cheek on the top of junkyu's head.

junkyu really couldn't be happier. mashiho didn't hate him, and he wasn't leaving him behind to study in japan - and he was junkyu's _boyfriend_ now for fuck's sake. he can't help but smile when he thinks about how he's got a lot to tell yedam tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> hihi again!! i hope u enjoyed this fic!!! i'm currently working on something for the sukkyu tag, so please look forward to that!!! u can find me on Twitter at @enbysuk!!


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